In defense of Anne Romney AND Hilary Rosen

The sky was ominous on Thursday morning as we headed to the wedding. My soon to be sister-in-law looked positively radiant as she walked toward our final destination. Then, at the corner of North Temple and State, a familiar looking reporter stopped her to ask about how she felt regarding Hilary Rosen's comments regarding Anne Romney.

She didn't have any thoughts on the matter. Probably not the best time to be asking anyway.

Having read a snippet about it earlier, I had some rather strong feelings. Being a mother of four and the timid person I am, I immediately piped up and ended up on the nightly news.

Perhaps I would have done well had I not been operating on 4 hours of sleep from the night before (trying to offer support to my mother as she attempted to fix 9 (!!!) beastly bridesmaids dresses). Then again, maybe not.

Given my past history of being naked and ridiculous on the nightly news, I probably wouldn't have fared well either way. I guess this further proves that while I can write glowing and eloquent blog posts, unless I'm blowing kisses and Miss Universe waving to the viewers I'm utterly useless on camera.

Back to the hot topic.

The illustrious Chris Vanocur and his camera crew from ABC4 News asked me for my opinion about Ms. Rosen's comments. I rambled aimlessly for 5 minutes. This link includes the only worthy three-second portion of my two cents. (Many thanks to Mr. Vanocour for allowing me to save face and avoid offending half the population of Utah by airing the interview in its entirety.)

After considering it at length and getting a reasonable amount of sleep, this is what I meant to say:

Ms. Rosen's comments were unfortunate. The moment I heard them, I immediately became defensive. Then, a second later, I felt really bad for her. Clearly she said something incredibly stupid and thoughtless. Then I considered something else: How many politically charged discussions have I been in where I've open my mouth and shoved my finger-length toed foot right in? Probably lots. Luckily for me, I wasn't on national news at the time.

I've been a homemaker for close to 15 years. Many spaghetti noodle omelets, burnt boxes of mac and cheese and slimy, overcooked vegetables later, I truly feel I'm on track to being pretty good at what I do. Ms. Rosen's comments didn't make this any less true. I would really like to believe she didn't mean for her words to come across they way they did. Even if she did, I'm not Anne Romney and therefore have less reason to get my unmentionables in a wad.

In my opinion (and please don't lynch me), I think she has a point. But the point I would like to believe she was making wasn't necessarily offensive. Clearly, any assessment that Anne Romney hasn't worked a day in her life is sillier than a rhinoceros at a tea party. I'm pretty sure Ms. Rosen understands this and in a palm to forehead moment, chose unfortunate words.

But consider this:

Anne Romney chose and was richly blessed to keep the commitment to stay home and raise her children. She married into an affluent family. From everything I've seen, she and her husband have had decades of happiness in their committed and loving relationship. That, in itself, is admirable no matter where a person is on the political spectrum. That doesn't make her evil or out of touch. It just is.

What I would like to believe Ms. Rosen meant to say is that Anne Romney hasn't worked in the corporate world. If that was what was meant, she is absolutely right.

Anne Romney will never know what it is like to devote 8-12 hours to a out-of-the-home-career then come home to a family that needs her to put her game-face on even after expending a day's energy on her profession.

Guess what?

Neither do I.

Sure, during He-Man's grad-school, I worked in a haunted 100-year-old-home-turned-restaurant. I was 3 months pregnant and that previously delicious Hungarian Mushroom Soup smelled like what I imagine the inside of a Taun-Taun would smell like. I also tutored, made crafts and sold all sorts of wares. But even as poor, starving college students, I was never required to work more than I wanted to. It was a long time coming, but I am, with much gratitude to the Divine, in a similar position as Mrs. Romney.

However, some of the greatest mothers I know, whether by choice or by necessity are not.

A dear friend of mine has been quite obviously led to a life as a gifted doctor. She juggles the pressures of preforming well and continuing her education in her field of expertise. She deals with the good, the bad and the office politics among other things but always manages to tread that delicate balance. When she comes home at night, she plays the role of mother and wife and does it well.

Another friend works graveyard shifts in retail to help make ends meet while her devoted husband teaches today's youth. (We all know how underpaid and under appreciated educators tend to be. Quite often there isn't enough to go around for a family of seven.)

Yet another friend is a working mother battling MS herself. That is nothing short of heroic.

The same goes for Anne Romney's efforts. She has raised five children who have gone on to do great things while dealing with serious health issues and all the other things that come with motherhood. While she may not understand what it's like to work outside the home and juggle the worry of whether or not she was missing out on the things that mattered most, I am sure she can relate to the pressure to preform.

The same goes for Hilary Rosen as well. We may not know what is going on in her life that would make her say what she said. Who knows, maybe she is dealing with the worry and insecurity that comes to every mother, working out of the home or not; that of not measuring up. I know few women who have not, at one point or another, been paralyzed by such a notion. Perhaps, she found herself frustrated by what may have appeared to her as another's life of ease.

Jealousy and judgement happen to even the best people in this life. Normally, it's not captured on camera to be used by lynching mobs the wide-world over. For those of us who may feel justified in our anger, let's not be part of that mob. Just because she said it, doesn't make it so.

We as women, have a greater, more powerful potential than that.

Maybe Ms. Rosen was trying to say that Anne Romney, as First Lady, wouldn't be relatable to working mothers. That may not be a stretch AND not necessarily a bad thing. What First Lady perfectly represented every woman out there anyway? Michelle Obama is a woman who has accomplished much in her career. She is in a field I know little about and honestly don't care to. But I truly admire her efforts to help our nation and our children make healthier lifestyle choices. That is something I absolutely can relate to.

Whether or not I vote for her husband in November, Anne Romney is a woman I can relate to as someone who has been able to make a similar commitment to her family. I admire her for achieving what I someday hope to.

On the other end of the spectrum, Ms. Rosen is a woman I have less in common with. However, as a mother who is undoubtedly trying to do what is best for her children, I can also relate. As someone who has said some things that could be construed as hurtful to others, I can relate even more.

My hope is that women as a whole can reach across party lines and offer support to each other, recognizing that no matter where we are in this walk of life, we are great. We may not agree with each other but there are many issues we can find commonality on that will allow our voices to be stronger. No matter how you slice it, what we do is hard, wonderful, crazy and beautiful. The more we work to value that effort in others, the greater our potential can become.

And that, Chris Vanocur, is what I meant to say.