Early Morning Sonnet; aka, A Glimpse Into The Funny Farm...

BEEP, BEEP, BEEP, BEEP(...is there anything more intrusive and obnoxious than that sound the alarm makes?)

(Honey, push the Snooze and I'll kiss you even with your morning breath)

BEEP, BEEP, BEEP, BEEP

"SCHHHHHHHLOOOP"...the connection is cut off and the after breakfast topping off is postponed for my groggy three month old. 

#1 staggers in.  "I don't wanna go to school."  (flops on my bed)

#2 stomps in, dashes into my bed and proceeds to fight #1 for the blankets.

#3 is carried it with a freshly changed diaper and proceeds to hop onto the bed and sit on #1's face.

#4's personal space bubble is invaded by hugs, kisses and the accompanying morning breath of her adoring fans.

Everybody is awake and Dad's looking for that previously promised kiss.
---Bed Monster 0: Mom 1

"Alright everyone, Dad's gotta go.  Let's sit up, fold our arms and say a prayer."

"Please fold your arms."

"No picking your nose during the prayer..."

"Do not pinch your sister!"

"THAT IS NOT WHERE YOU PUT THAT!"
---Mom 0: Booger Man, clearly the victor. 1

("Bye, Daddy!"  "Bye, Daddy!"  "Bye Daddy.  Daddy, I don't want to go to school".  Kiss kiss, hug hug.)

"#2, don't forget to change your underwear."

"#1, it's 30 degrees outside!  That skirt will freeze your legs!"

"#2, please change your underwear."

"Do you really want to wear jeans, tights AND a skirt?"

"Change your underwear!"

"Please give your baby sister space."

"#3, where did your pants go?"

"Could someone give #4 her binky?"

"CHANGE YOUR UNDERWEAR!"

"Why is your shirt on your head, #3?"

"No, you may not have a bag of chocolate chips for breakfast."

"Please give your baby sister space."

"FOR THE MAGNIFICENT LOVE OF ALL THINGS MIGHTY, CHANGE YOUR UNDERWEAR!!"

"Yes, #3, since you're already naked, you can practice sitting on the potty."

Previous Mental Note:  #1 likes her eggs sunnyside up, #2 likes her's boiled, #3 likes 'em scrambled.

"Wait.  Then why am I beating the 'Fruity Pebbles'?"

"Please give your baby sister space."

"Okay, ladies, here's your vitamins."
('I want the pink one."  "No, I want the pink one!!" "NO, ME!"  "You got the pink one yesterday!"  "Mom, #2 is stealing my vitamin!")
--- Mom vs. Vitamin Makers of the USA: It's a draw (may you have 55 children whose only favorite color is
chartreuse).

"What's your backpack doing outside?"

"Please give your baby sister space."

"You saved that from your lunch yesterday?"

"I'm pretty sure you shouldn't eat it."

"No, your little sister doesn't want it either."

"Yep, I've packed you a very special treat to help you remember how wonderful I think you are."
 ---Lunch Boxes 0: Mom 1

"THAT'S IT!  The next person who smash kisses her baby sister gets to eat the left over vegetable stir fry for dinner...without soy sauce!"

"We need to leave in 5 minutes."

"Where's your other shoe?"

"You may want to rethink knee high boots for P.E.  I'm just sayin'"

"We're a little late, let's walk to the bus stop quickly"
("jabber, jabber, jabber, breathe, jabber, jabber, jabber, breathe")

"#2, look both ways before scooting across the street!!!"

"Phew!  We made it!!"
("Honk! Honk!  Good morning!!")

"I love you."  "I love you."  "I love you."  "I love you."  "Have a wonderful day!"
("I love you, too, Momma."  "Me too...Momma, I forgot to change my underwear.")

"That's okay, honey.  You can change it when you get home if you still want too."
 ---I fold.  Mom 0:  Underwear Fairy 1

"It's okay, #3, they'll come home this afternoon and we'll snuggle up and watch a movie together."
---All the nasty, nefarious forces attempting to foil our morning 0000:  Mom 1,000,000

I WIN!!

Bonus Prize:  It's Friday and tomorrow is Pancake Saturday!

Happy New Year!

Hello everyone!  Happy New Year!  We've had a rather interesting December which included our computer inexplicibly dying.  Which means we've been scrambling to retrieve everything on it.  Needless to say, our Christmas letter is a bit late and not very well distributed.  I'm posting it on here as a way to redeem myself.

By the way, thank you so much to all of you beautiful people who sent us Christmas cards and letters this year.  They've meant the world to us.  We've enjoyed hearing about all of your adventures and didn't feel so far away and lonely.

So here's the lowdown.

Dearest Family and Friends!!

Happy New Year! We hope you’ve had the Merriest Christmas and holiday season. We are happy to report we’re alive and mostly well (our immune systems are going through “Welcome to Florida’s Germs’ Boot Camp…thankfully, we’re winning). After welcoming a baby, relocating and a major career development, we are settling in and almost feeling ‘normal’-whatever that is.

2009 began quite unassumingly but truly became a banner year. We’ve been blessed beyond that which we could’ve possibly deserved! Here’s the Low-Down:

January: He-Man continued to build up his practice and worked 30 hours a week at Xactware. Trishelle continued domesticating herself and running but suffered a minor running injury while attempting to watch a particularly compelling old episode of ‘Matlock’ and jogging on a treadmill at the same time. Sunshine continued second grade.  Bunny  also continued to refine her talents of making friends easily and quickly and learning her ABC’s.  Lulu’s individuality really began to flourish. She has a penchant for makeup, anything her poor, hapless parents leave under the sink and everything slimy/sticky such as maple syrup.

February:  He-Man worked 80+ hours a week. Trishelle prepared the for The ‘Most Excellent Family Reunion’(1st time our whole family was together in 8 years) and made the splendid discovery that her nausea and exhaustion weren’t caused by too many surprise ‘Matlock’ endings.  Sunshine was baptized a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints…outside…in February…luckily, in a Jacuzzi.  Bunny spent most of her time with her very favorite cousins on both sides.  Lulu discovered that when a box of dental floss is unwound, it will encircle the house 235 times.

March:  He-Man worked 80+ hours a week. Trishelle continued in the blessed opportunity of babysitting her sweet nephews while their mommy, went to work part time. Sunshine read everything she could get her hands on. Bunny was a flower girl for her cousin wedding. The pictures turned out to be our favorite pictures of Bunny. EVER. Lulu discovered the law of gravity…that what goes up will certainly come down. This even applies to blender pitchers filled with everyone’s breakfast smoothie.

April:  He-Man worked 80+ hours…except when we all went on a much needed work-vacation to Southern Utah and Mesquite, Nevada for a continuing-ed course. We discovered that we’re able to travel about the distance between Orem and St. George, Utah before car sicknesses can no longer be ignored…and to always keep paper towels and disinfectant in the car.

May:  He-Man worked 80+ hours a week and filled out a ‘practice’ application for a chiropractic position with the Navy in Florida. Trishelle could no longer fit into her clothes and two beautiful angels bestowed upon her a most wonderful gift: new maternity clothes from THIS century!  Sunshine finished 2nd grade! Bunny mastered the ABC’s.  Lulu discovered when one consumes an entire jar of garlic stuffed olives, vampires will most assuredly be repelled.

June:  He-Man worked 80+ hours a week but found great joy in his portion of the community garden (thank you Bishop Stay!) Trishelle turned 32, made her first cherry pie and canned various cherry preserves.  Sunshine started with Harry Potter 6 and finished Harry Potter 7.  Bunny busted out of size 4T clothes.  Lulu discovered the many benefits of drawing with permanent marker. We ate something from the garden everyday.

July:  He-Man worked 80+ hours a week. Trishelle felt enormous. Sunshine read voraciously and looked forward to every possible trip to the library.  Bunny tuned 5 and celebrated with her favorite neighborhood friends in a backyard party.  Lulu turned 2 and celebrated with a tea party and massive amounts of Cheeto cheese and chocolate cupcakes.

August:  He-Man worked 80+ hours a week. He turned 32 and was surprised by his family and siblings with an early morning breakfast and a lawn and garden sprucing up day. Trishelle craved chocolate.  Sunshine and Bunny learned to swim.  Lulu realized that painting with Nutella is delicious. Our anxiously awaited tomatoes began to produce massive amounts of gloriousness.

September:  He-Man worked 80+ hours a week and decided that if he heard nothing more regarding potential chiropractic positions with the military by September 30, he would stop working towards this ambition and pursue other opportunities in Utah. Trishelle felt ginormous and secretly wished everything were dipped in chocolate.  Sunshine began 3rd grade with a beloved teacher. Holly started kindergarten and instantly adored her teacher, Mrs. B.  Lulu learned how to blow bubbles with her own saliva and left puddles where ever she practiced. We said goodbye to our wonderful roommate when Uncle Aaron moved out and married our fabulous new sister Melissa. Remember that ‘practice’ application He-Man filled for a military chiropractic job? On September 24, he received an email from the Navy requesting him to fill the vacated position Florida. After fervent prayer and consideration, he said yes! Three days later, at 4:30 in the morning, RP let everyone know she was on her way when her mommy’s water broke. She made her grand entrance that morning after about 2 ½ hours of labor.

October:  He-Man met with Governor Herbert as part of his ongoing effort to improve the image of chiropractics in the state of Utah. It was the pinnacle of his work in the state and served as a great way to finish his work there. We drove through Utah, Nevada, stopped and visited Mom and Dad in Arizona then drove on through New Mexico, Texas, Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama and onto Jacksonville, Florida. Except for the times she was screaming at the top of her lungs, RP slept through the whole thing.

November:  He-Man worked 40 hours a week, ate his lunches on the beach and held classes for sailors. Trishelle worked feverishly at organizing the house.  Sunshine met her 3rd grade class.  Bunny started all day kindergarten.  Lulu found mom’s makeup again.  Rp started to smile. And we all traveled to Atlanta for Thanksgiving.

December:  He-Man’s clientele grew. Trishelle got gussied up for the first time since delivering RP.  Sunshine, Bunny and Lulu made their wish lists and RPexperienced her first Christmas. Our computer crashed, phone died and Trishelle was involved in a minor fender bender. But we refuse to let that break our stride! Our Christmas in Florida has been beautiful and we’ve found ourselves feeling incredibly grateful for our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ and for all He is to us.

As we’ve reflected upon the past year, our hearts have been full from the realization that so much of what we’ve prayed for, for so long, has come to pass. Thank you for sharing this process with us, for your love, support and your sweet friendship. May 2010 be a miraculous year for you. May you be surrounded with love and friendship all along your way. God bless you!

Sincerely,
Us

Getting All Gussied Up and Sticking Out Like Sore Thumbs...

Last Friday night He-Man took me out for a much needed night on the town.  We hadn't been out on a real date since before RP was born; and let's face it, by that late in pregnancy I wasn't willing to paint the town any color unless I was in my pajamas with no waistband....and probably no makeup.  Earlier, he'd sent me an email describing his work Christmas party being held at a local hotel.  Appealing points were: in-house babysitting ($10 a kid!), a spread of French and foreign cheeses, a raffle, French cheese, a gourmet dinner and, did I mention FRENCH CHEESE?!

I didn't realize how badly I needed a night out until, upon looking at myself all dressed up, in my favorite dress (which I normally feel my very best in), I felt oddly over dressed.  I hadn't worn heels or gotten this gussied up in forever!  So, I embraced the sense of being over-the-top and stepped it up a notch by adding a sparkly studded clutch and scarf.  Hey, if I'm going to be over dressed, I might as well be obscenely peacockish.

By the time we entered the dining hall, I actually felt under-dressed; I'd say practically naked compared to others, but then how would I describe the party goers that were practically naked?   

The party had me wondering how people keep strategically placed clothing strategically placed whilest avoiding major wardrobe malfunction, like someone losing an eye or something.  I'd like to, as they say, 'when in Rome, do as the Romans do', and blend in with the other Floridians but I am, in deed, a victim of the earth's gravitational pull and therefore unable to pull off such styles without causing embarrassment to humanity as a whole.  (I think it has a lot to do with being over 30)

We arrived to the hotel just as He-Man realized he left the tickets at home.  So we dropped the kids off and he left me at the hors d'oeuvres table by myself....after pretty much spending a month and a half in social isolation...with French cheese.  I found myself contemplating how much cheese was appropriate for the plate and why on earth my clutch wasn't bigger and lined with dishwasher safe plastic.  After introducing myself and exchanging pleasantries with the Brie, I allowed dignity and decorum  to override my desire to stuff my pockets and found a seat with my package of wheat-free rice crackers.

I sat next to a brilliant Naval chemist who was much better conversationalist than the Roquefort and whose daughter happened to be babysitting our girls and the other children  upstairs...and making a killing that evening.  After about 5 minutes of talking with no pause, I realized I ought to breathe and explained I hadn't been out much lately.  I ended up making a friend that evening as she joined us at our dining table and talked with He-Man and I all evening.    

Once dinner started, so did the music.  With the exception of some of Stevie Wonder's best holiday music, I didn't recognize anything.  In fact, I couldn't even understand most of what they were saying and wondering about the rapper/singer, 'You wanna put what? Where?'

He-Man requested some swing dance music and while the DJ looked a little confused, found some in his library.  He played it and we decided we'd dazzle the others with some high flying moves.  It felt fantastic to dance again.  I didn't even mind the blank stares that met us at the end of the song; you know the kind that are usually accompanied by the sound of crickets chirping?

By the end of the night I felt pretty certain that we were fish out of water but grateful that variety is the spice of life.  We also went home with a Nintendo DS Lite, having absolutely no clue what that actually is but all the same thrilled that He-Man won a raffle prize.

We picked up the girls from a party of their own which included cupcakes with lots of frosting, gallons of Hawaiian Tropic Fruit Punch and bags of chocolates.  It's no wonder there were kids hanging from the rafters and scaling the curtains!

Lulu was convinced she'd rather stay there, subsisting on sugar until she was forced to brush her teeth and go to sleep.  Bunny was passed out with smears of chocolate staining her face and Sunshine was sitting inches away from a television watching 'Hannah Montana'.  RP missed being fed a cupcake with a red punch chaser by sleeping soundly through the entire evening.  Needless to say, they had a blast and slept in the next morning.

That night, with my French cheese fix and a moment to wear lipstick, high heels and sassy stockings, I started to feel like I was getting my pre-baby, pre-relocation groove back.  We should go out again.  Next time though, I'm making He-Man blend in.  Do you think I could convince him to get all pimped out in a white zoot suit, walking cane, gold necklace with a $ on it and a matching fadora?

An Emotional Week: Searching for Answers

As many of you are aware, when we lived in Oregon, over the course of a few months, I developed a severe allergic reaction to gluten.  It became serious enough that my doctor referred me to an allergist who preformed a skin-prick test.  My results were minimal and we continued on with life being cautious of the amount of wheat gluten I came in contact with.  When I had none, I didn't react.  When I did, the reaction grew in severity with each exposure.  Finally, after an ER visit to pump me full of epinephrine, I was prescribed an Epi-pen and sent on my merry way.

That was 7 years ago.  I miss bread (especially killer submarines masterfully created by He-Man).  I miss donuts.  I miss my cinnamon rolls.  I miss cereal and oatmeal.

In the beginning, I would only react after consuming gluten then accelerating my heart rate with running or other aerobic activity.  Now, if I consume it, within a half an hour, my hands and feet start to itch and burn, my skin crawls, my eyes and lips swell to the point of looking like Quasimoto.  I scare small children and make dogs and cats leave their homes.  I can't even touch it.  When I make playdough, my hands break out into hives.  UG!

The days following, my body essentially mimics the joint pain of rheumatoid arthritis and it takes nearly a week for the swelling in my face to clear.

My last reaction occurred a year and a half ago.  I attended a work party and ate a hamburger that I took off the bun and cut it up like steak.  That night, I went running and after a mile, I felt the symptoms beginning.  By the time I got home, my body was going into shock.  He-Man is medically trained and is also familiar with this drill so he knew what to do.  The scary thing was that it was more intense than I had ever experienced.

So here's the clincher...

When we were traveling through Texas, some friends of ours made the most AMAZING gazpacho.  I had two gloroious, tomatoey bowls.  The next day, I found out that our hostess, unaware of my allergy, made the soup with the fluffy innards of 2 loaves of French bread!  Amazingly, I had absolutely no reaction.  My eyes didn't even twitch once!

I noted this and even hoped that perhaps with my pregnancy and subequent birth of our darling, tooty little RP, my body's chemistry had changed and I could tolerate wheat gluten.  It was suggested that I test the idea.  I sat on it for a couple of months, too afraid to try anything.

The, Sunday came and I made Cinnamon Rolls for my family.  I decided to make like a test tube and conduct the experiment...

I bit into the fluffy, soft treat and instantly remembered why I love Cinnamon rolls so much.  I tried to savor every bite and licked every bit of frosting off my fingers.  It was divine.

Unfortunately, my body disagreed.  Within a half an hour, my hands and feet started to itch, then my legs and arms, my torso and neck came next.  My body became covered in welt-like hives that burned and itched.  My lungs began to fill up with fluid and it felt like someone was standing on my chest.  My mouth and eyes began to swell and my body went into shock.  Well, I guess that answers the question. 

It was more terrifying than before and I ended the evening feeling like a complete idiot.  All of this for a stupid Cinnamon roll.  And no, it wasn't worth it. 

The next day, I could hardly move.  My body ached and my bones hurt like they were broken.  Yesterday, I felt well enough to run again.  Four days after eating something I probably shouldn't have.

So, I'm  back to Square One, wondering what is going on.  Why was I able to eat the gazpacho in Texas but not a Cinnamon roll in Florida?  UG!  Atleast I'm certain of one thing:  I'm not going to make myself a science experiment again anytime soon!

Mrs. Incredible Does It Again!!

Our fan-tab-ulous aunt did it again!  She brightened my day with her amazing talents!  She touched up our family photo.  I didn't think I could love it any more than I already did, but I do!