Memory Monday: A Shout -Out to Dugway...

The month of June takes us back to Utah where He-Man and I'll be running until we puke in the Wasatch Back. It also brings me the opportunity to reconnect with old friends...Friends that have known me longer than just about anyone. Friends who, while our lives have taken us every which way imaginable, will always be so dear to me.

It doesn't matter what happens, I will love 'em all forever. We are bonded together with a mixed-up cocktail of carbon atoms fused together with some kind of funky anthraxed radioactive sodium. Recently, during my mother's health scare, a friend, upon hearing the news, said something quite profound: Those of us from Dugway have a special connection. We folks need to stick together. I found her words so comforting and so true. However life changes for us, for better or for worse, we have one important thing in common...

We grew up in the middle of the Utah dessert under the umbrella of the No-Fly Or-We'll Shoot-You-Into-Smithereens Zone.

(This is a picture taken outside of my parent's home. Notice the antelope grazing in the park)

It's that blacked-out portion in central to upper western Utah known as Dugway Proving Grounds. It absolutely amazes me how many people actually know where it is...although, not so many people have actually ever been there. Occasionally, I'll meet someone whose second cousin's ex-husband's best friend had a father born there in the 50's or something.

It's here, where like many, I found myself. Naturally, as I look forward to seeing some of those amazing people I loved so much as a kid, I'm finding myself remembering Dugway. In honor of Memory Monday, I've decided to compile a list of lessons I learned from my old hometown. (Note: These are in no particular order of importance)

1. In spite of the massive amounts of bio-chemical testing conducted within the razor-wired, electrical fenced walls of the secret facilities, a surprisingly few of us walked around with extra appendages and/or oozed radioactive sludge.

Pro: This gives me a GREAT conversation starter when explaining where I'm from. It makes me feel cheeky when I tell people I glow in the dark and then, in reply, they heartily laugh. In fact, my new neighbor who's worked near there in the past, chuckled for a couple of minutes over that one. I spent the rest of the day feeling brilliantly funny.

Con: I glow in the dark and occasionally ooze radioactive sludge. Needless to say, I REALLY stink at the game of Hide-And-Seek.

2. Since Dugway is a mix of out-in-the-country/pent up military personnel sequestered off from the world of high couture, it's about a decade behind when it comes to trends and high fashion clothing.

Pro: Fashion Victims (such as myself) could grow up relatively unscathed...even if we insisted upon ratting our ridiculously long bangs and pegging our jeans 2 years waaaaay too long.

Con: Anyone who had the fashion sense of a horse and dressed in anything other than overalls (with one strap unbuckled) ran the risk of being pelted with hundreds of pairs of Girbaud jeans and hideous gray sweatshirts. I'm embarrassed to admit I was still wearing mine in 1997!

3. Regulated curfew meant MPs would be patrolling the streets so all the shenanigans simply moved away from the road. AND, there was no need to fear for your older brother's life when he decided to sneak out of his bedroom window and traipse across town. The patrol cars were only equipped with plastic butter knives anyway.

Pro: The ones that liked you would pull you over but would stop to chat for a couple of minutes rather than give you a ticket.

Con: When the big old bug truck comes around in the middle of the night and you decide to clobber it with globs of wet toilet paper to the point of obstructing the view of the driver...only to have it accidentally run over your arm...there is no one to hear you scream. Seriously. True story (BUT I was, in NO way, involved with this)

4. A residential speed limit of 15 mph is enough to seriously maim a cat but unfortunately not enough to put it out of it's misery.

Pro: I learned a lot from that one. Like, for example, why I should never apply lip gloss while driving. Specifically because I may have to split a $500 vet bill and assist the crank-pot veterinarian in neutering said feline.

Con: I was out @350 bucks AND I'm now all too familiar with what a male cat's testicles look like. You just can't take that back.

(This was my first car, Francesca, and my adorable baby brothers. It may not seem like much now, but she was a great little car and meant freedom for me)

5. You will always find someone who lives in Dugway or right outside the base who firmly and passionately believes that extraterrestrial life resides in the foothills. And they are just waiting for Bill Pulman to be elected president so they can attack us, ironically on the fourth of July.

Pro: Again, GREAT conversation starter.

Con: There's an underground movement determined to keep Bill Pullman from ever running for office.

6. In a such a small town, there is little you can do to keep everyone from knowing everything about you. Keeping secrets only makes the story floating around more ridiculous.

Pro: Got exciting news to share? Getting Married? Pregnant? Newly Single? No problem. The town will know about it in 10 minutes.

Con: Getting Married? Pregnant? Newly Single? The town will know about it in 10 minutes.

7. You have to try REALLY hard not to graduate from high school.

Pro: You can fake playing a musical instrument for an extended period of time and no one will notice.

Con: Some of your teachers will know you well enough personally to really dislike you personally.

8. You should never underestimate the importance of the relationships you cultivate as a kid. You never know where they'll take you. Case in point:

(We have a brother-in-law who refers to our engagement photo as the 'Kip and White Lafawnduh')


Make no mistake. I loved growing up there in my own little piece of mixed-up, quirky heaven. I'm sure there's a part of each of us that never wants to leave, never wants things to change battling the part that would rather die a slow, painful death involving tweezers and a blowtorch...the portion that wins generally depends on your own experience.

BUT, gratefully, life does go on and takes us on bigger adventures. What we can be grateful for, better or for worse, are the lessons we've learned along the way.

Happy Monday, everyone...especially my Dugway Peeps.