Thursday, April 2, 2009

I DO NOT heart vampires!

There are a couple of things I have an unreasonable, completely ridiculous fear of. One of those things happens to be vampires. That is probably part of why the "Twilight" series holds very little appeal for me.

Before I get hate mail, I want to explain myself:

When I was 5 or 6 and living in Logan, Utah my dad and I were enjoying a normal Saturday at home. My brothers were playing elsewhere, mom was shopping and dad and I were watching t.v. While surfing the wave of television channels...okay, let's face it. It was 1984 and channel surfing lasted a grand total of 1 or 2 minutes. We happened upon a movie that will be referred to as "Scary Dracula Flick About the Undead Stalking A Couple of College Kids in a Beat Up Pinto." From the beginning credits, I was terrified but wanted to be a big girl who could watch daddy's 'Big Person' movie. Dad, wanting to have good quality time together, gave me a package of peanut M & M's to pacify my fears and make the movie more enjoyable.

I lasted 15 minutes right as Dracula was about to crunch his third or fourth victim. Dad turned off the movie and we ended up making dinner together. That night I dreamed that I too, would one day be a college kid who drove a Pinto and was stalked and munched on by Dracula. (I don't know what's scarier... the Pinto or Dracula) From then on, I've hated vampires.

Which brings me to "Twilight".

Nearly 25 years later, the series came out. Since then, friends and family alike have raved about it and encouraged me to (pardon the irresistible pun) sink my teeth into it, while secretly, I've shuttered at the thought.

My mother, who works with a subsidiary of "Twilight", has always hated vampires too and very strongly refused to read the books....until she read them. Now, not a day goes by without one or both of my parents wearing some sort of "Twilight" paraphernalia.

She called me last week and offered me a free download from her purchase of the new DVD and requested that I watch it...with He-Man, otherwise known as Mr. Movie Critic himself. It takes a lot to impress He-Man with cinematic art and I knew going into it he would rather have a root canal but I promised I wouldn't stop him from mocking. Therefore, he agreed to experience it with me.

So, after the coaxing, a FREE movie and the promise of watching it on He-Man's laptop, in our jammies snuggling in bed, we took the plunge and finally watched the movie "Twilight".

It was hard to consider it a 'romance' because throughout the movie, I half expected Edward to spontaneously unhinge his jaw and bite Bella's head off, which would obviously be a mood killer. And when she goes home to meet the 'parents', I couldn't help thinking, "This isn't going to end well for vegetarians".

But we made it through. However, since I tend to over-analyze movies, there are a couple of elements that I couldn't quite wrap my brain around...

1. What self-respecting woman would be okay with rubbing elbows (lips, hands, etc) with someone who looked at her like she was a walking T-bone steak? Furthermore, why would you want to plunge head-first into a relationship with a person who, every time you came near them, made you completely and utterly and ravenously starving?

2. Plus, what teenage, hormonally enraged boy is content with gazing into the eyes of a girl for hours upon hours? Especially when she makes him hungry for a juicy slab of steak?! AND he's like a 500 year old MAN trapped in the body of a 17 year old?! BUT, maybe that's what makes Edward so unique, so special, so cotton-pickin' adorable. Wait! Did I just use those words to describe a vampire?!

3. Also, why on earth would anybody NOT want to sparkle every time they walked into sunlight...without having to be covered in rhinestones? I mean seriously, who wouldn't want that? I just get sunburned.


In all reality, I think Stephanie Meyer is very clever. She has the tenacity to do exactly what I dream of doing and she has retold a centuries old story while giving it a new spin. To have accomplished that and captured the hearts of thousands of readers is a tremendous thing.

If only I could get past the whole scary and undead hungry blood sucker thing, I may actually someday be able to read the series. OR, maybe I'll face my fear and find that awful B movie about the vampire and the Pinto and watch it, just for kicks, and realize how frightening it's not.

Until then, I'll try really hard not to throw-up on Halloween.

15 comments:

Beeks by the Lake said...

Ok Trishelle, I absolutely hate vampires too. I mean, the only scary movie I ever watched was when I was 8 years old and that was the end of that. (Dreamscape or something where people get killed in their dreams and it really kills them) Anyway, everything about a vampire makes me nauseous. But after my BIL's review I agreed to watch it. And I enjoyed the movie. Some things didn't fly with me too but I was swept away with the teenage romance of wanting someone you can't really or shouldn't really have. I can see why so many are in love with the series. I still do not plan to read the books because right now I am on a trek to understand the Atonement better and have a huge stack of books to read still. Glad to see I am not the only person who has issues with vampire movies. (Although secretly I can't wait for the next two movies to come out)

JAMIE said...

Edward is only 90, not 500 ;)

Kelley said...

Oh good, I'm not the only one. It seems like everyone around me is going gaga for vampires, and personally I'm just not interested. Sorry, too many other things to fill my days with.

Cute picture!

Deanna said...

You can not judge the Twilight books from the movie. I love the books, but thought the movie was so dumb and really wasn't much like the book at all. No comparison there. I would never watch the movie again. Now I need to read the book again to get back my visions and not the poor job that the film did with them.

Erin said...

I agree with the whole "don't judge the book by the movie" comment. The movie really was totally different and not nearly as good as the book. But good news for all you Anti-Vampites: the book is not any scarier than the movie. So if it didn't scare you, neither will the book!

Daya said...

If you read the books it explains their feelings and thoughts more than the movie does. You might understand why they can stand to be around each other. Good for you for conquering (kind of) a fear!!

nanadover said...

Last weekend, hubby and I ran away to our mountain retreat, and hubby dear stopped to rent a movie. Guess what he rented!? I had no desire to see the movie (or read the series for that matter...I left that to my daughters and daughters-in-law). So, while the movie played,I did other things because I never just sit to watch anything on TV. At the end, all I could say was..."did that, don't need to do it no more!"
Sorry. I don't see what the excitement was/is! My girls loved it. I'll leave it to the younger generation!

Pieces of me... said...

I was alittle skeptical of the movie myself because I hate spooky movies. But I too was convinced, the was captured by it. And even though you haven't published a series like that author, you still impress,charm and engulf people in your artistic ablitity to write. :)

CJ said...

I am absolutely terrified of vampires too! I have absolutely NO interest in Twilight or any other blood sucker movie. I think what freaks me out the most about vampires is that there are actually people out there who think that they are vampires and they do sick & crazy things to prove it.

The Woolner Family said...

My friend kept telling me if I read the book that I'd want vampire boyfriend. I read them and I did not want a vampire boyfriend. I wanted Chad. However, I do like the idea of a teenage boy just wanting to gaze into his girlfriend's eyes instead of more.

Wendy Day said...

Love it!!! You are so cute!!! Never fear, you aren't the only one who hasn't read the series. I did see the movie. People have told me that the books are much better but that I probably liked the movie because I didn't read the books. Ever since "Lost Boy's" I've been a hard core Vampire fan. If you need someone to watch that movie with you I'm hear for you. Although you will probably enjoy watching it more on He-mans laptop curled up next to him.

Miche said...

I loved this post! You make me laugh!

marianne said...

Trishelle if you liked the movie even a little (I thought it was laughable in the extreme), read the dang books. They're WAY WAY WAY better, and I don't even really like them. So there it is.

I could go on for hours about the stupids of the movie (which I'd really love to do) but this is your blog, beautiful, not mine.

Kate said...

Trishelle, thanks for leaving a comment so I could get your blog address. You are the cutest ever.

Dedra said...

Hey Trishelle

I have to say I don't love, heart, or like vampires either. I did push through the first book though. We got sidetracked for about a week with small projects and then my book was due back to the library. I still had 2 chapters left and after that week I decided I may as well finish it before I give it back. I didn't go for the next book in the series.

Also, I finally commented on your comment about phlebotomy (8 days later...sorry!) if you are reading, you can check it out. '10 questions' was the post.

Have a great day!