Poopy Pants Chapter II

Announcer: Last we saw, our brave heroine and her sidekick were inching closer and closer to Destructo Pupppy's nemesis, the dog next door...

Poopy Pants: Can you see her, Destructo Puppy?

Destructo: No, but I can smell her doggy breath, we must be cautious. One false move and we are totally busted.

The dynamic duo peer out from behind a tree and slowly creep towards the doghouse. Suddenly, Destructo steps on a twig and CRUNCH!

Nemesis charges for Destructo, bark, bark, barking all the way.

Nemesis: Grrrr! BARRRKKK! BARK! BARKKKKKKK!

Destructo: Bark, help, Poopy...bark, bark, can't--bark--stop barRRRRRRRRRking!

Nemesis: Bark! BARRRRK!!

Poopy Pants: Hold on, D.P.! I'll blast her with my soggy diaper blaster! BLAST! (Everyone retreats quickly to avoid the noxious blast)

Destructo: Phew! That was close! I thought for sure we would be barking into forever!

Poopy Pants: Yeah. One again, stinky diapers save the day!

Can you picture this face as the super hero 'Poopy Pants'? (Don't worry. It's just black beans that she is eating)

I had another epiphany watching Destructo and the neighbor's dog barking/screaming/foaming at the mouth/stalking each other. What would it be like for us, as humans, if whenever we were jealous or angry with another person, we stalked, glared, then yapped at the top of our lungs until one or both of us went hoarse to get out our frustrations? Seriously, create a visual in your mind. Perhaps it will make you laugh at the very least.


Isn't funny how many of us look back to pictures when we were young and think, "If only I knew that I looked better than I gave myself credit for". When I was in high school I felt like an anomaly. There I was, feeling enormous next to all of my beautiful, 'skinny' friends. Of course, it didn't help that what my mother called my 'well endowment' busted through their barriers every year. This of course, necessitated a pilgrimage to the J.C. Penney Semi-Annual Bra Sale every summer before school started. Inevitably, I found myself fleeing from the mall, tears steaming from my very, discouraged face. I had seriously horrific nightmares involving my cheerleading uniform not fitting right with disastrous consequences.

This was nothing compared to a real life nightmare involving a swimsuit (afterward retired by burning), a guy just trying to be funny by dunking people in the pool, my future brother-in-law and just about everyone else in my youth group....but I digress.

Anyway, back to the point I was trying to make. Although I have tried throughout my adult life to avoid creating self esteem traps, it's hard sometimes to feel beautiful. This is particularly pronounced after birthin' babies when we are reminded of the eternal truth that is gravity.

Instead, I have come to the conclusion, albeit years in the making, that I am going to be the best me I can be RIGHT NOW! Amazingly, I like me so much more than I did when I was younger. I have worked hard, discovered that I LOVE to run and have found happiness in creating reachable fitness goals that benefit me as well as my family.

The results? I wore leggings the other day for the first time in over a decade, my arms are actually becoming more toned than ever before and when I see pictures of me as a teen I think, "I'm soooooo glad I didn't peak in high school!" because seriously, my sense of fashion really needed refining!




This is He-Man's and my engagement photograph. (I'm kind of glad we didn't peak at that point either.) My brother in law has said before that we look like "A Kip and a white Lafonda'.