A Change in China

It's no secret that I'm a bit of a klutz. I'm not particularly refined and if it all, only a little sophisticated when I try to fake it. I'm okay with this however and have tried to appreciate my own strengths and improve my weaknesses...one of those being that I'm a bit like a bull in a China shop.

Growing up, I somehow managed to break at least two or three pieces of each set of Corell or stoneware my mother would acquire. I even managed to destroy some of my mom's favorite Tupperware. AND TUPPERWARE IS PLASTIC!

In the refinement and sophistication department, I've always struggled. Beautiful Mary K. moved to my hometown and immediately was called to work with the young women over the age of 12 and under the age of 18 in our church congregation. She was a southern belle and the epitome of grace and dignity.

It was for this reason that mom recruited her for help when I decided, as boorish as I am, to try out for the "Miss Teen of Utah Pageant" as a sophomore. Remember, at this point I'm still hopelessly girlie just not quite feminine.

Mary helped me immensely that spring and when the pageant rolled around, I was able to avoiding tripping on my long Pepto-Bismal Pink, puffed sleeved get-up and proclaim for all in attendance, "I'm Trishelle from Dugway, where the wild Mustangs run free!" (No one else needs to take responsibility for that one.) and proceeded to throw my fist in the air not unlike Judd Nielson at the end of 'The Breakfast Club". There went my attempt at refined femininity.

I've gotten better though and that clumsy awkward phase has thankfully passed. But I still regularly run into walls, smile with food in between my teeth and fall up stairs.

Perhaps this is why I have NEVER had the ambition to own or be responsible for China Dinnerware.

But this weekend, as I was visiting my beloved friends, Diana, Vern, Judy and Jean, they bestowed upon me a very generous gift: a pristine 48-piece set of China. After her husband died, Jean relocated to be with her sister. Her daughter did not want it so she has given it to me.

I was so incredibly touched and terrified at the same time. But, the moment she handed me a dinner plate, I finally realized why people love China. It is beautiful. It made me want to be sophisticated and refined.

Upon returning home, I called my mother to tell her about the sweet gift and in turn, she recommended that we use it every Sunday. Good idea...unless my history of clumsiness takes a turn for the worst.

So, we ate our first Sunday China meal. He-Man commented on how this is a great opportunity to teach our little girls about good manners. I whole-heartedly agreed and secretly thought, "Hey! Me too! Maybe this'll teach me a thing or two."

As a side note, the first thing I pulled out of the box was a sugar bowl and it's lid. 2.2 seconds later, I dropped the lid and chipped the top. Luckily, it was nothing superglue couldn't fix.
If there only there was a superglue for being a klutz.

Replacing Worry With Peace

Robert Robinson, an 18th century Methodist minister, wrote what I believe to be one of history's most profound and beautiful Christian hymns, "Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing". I'm sure I heard it in passing as I grew up, but I will never forget the first time I really listened to it. I was entirely caught up in the moment and my heart was so filled with joy. My usual need to be doing something, being busy, left and I just sat to listened to the melody but even more to the words.

I immediately felt the need to research the hymn, wanting to know who it was who wrote such a sweet, heartfelt anthem to his Maker. I was impressed by how this man truly must have been in deep communication with deity, through prayer on a regular basis, actively trying to build a relationship with his Savior and must have been living in a manner that helped him construct poetry to God able to withstand the test of time. Robert Robinson quickly became one of my heroes for what he's given humanity, and more personally, to me.

Popular legend has it that near the end of his life, he was a broken man. Apparently, one afternoon, as he was riding in a stagecoach a random woman also riding, who was humming his hymn, turned to him and commented, (and I'm obviously paraphrasing), "What a beautiful hymn. Isn't it wonderful?" To which Robinson is said to have replied, "Yes, I am the author of that hymn. Madam, if only I could now feel a measure of the peace I felt at the time I wrote it".

It's heartbreaking to me that Robinson felt such a way later in his life. I often wondered what could've transpired that would have made him feel so far away from the point when he wrote "Come Thou Font". Why was he thought to be so broken and sad? If this truly was his fate, what happened to him?

If the story is indeed truth, I wonder if he became so consumed with worry over the troubles and struggles he was facing. Remembering that story, I've worked so hard to avoid such despair in my own life. Yet, in some ways, recently, I've felt as though I can relate to that feeling of being consumed with worry, grossly unable to look upon the bigger picture.

Recently, my beautiful birthday twin, Lindsay, sent me a great book about a woman who, in her darkest hour, reached out to an unknown higher power, and poured her whole soul into a prayer. In the quiet miracle that followed, she found peace, even while being surrounded by a terrible storm. Although her description of the higher power or God she discovered is different from mine, she realized He was the reason she felt so much peace and love. It reminded me of a universal truth: Around the world, transcending religion, race, creed and circumstance, billions through the ages have prayed to God; however they choose to identify and relate to Him.

I've been praying for years. The benefits of answered prayers have been constant companions in my life. Lately, however, I've felt like something was missing and I couldn't help but think I was missing the mark. It was really bothering me because as much as I prayed, I was still allowing my worries to consume me.

Then yesterday, as I attended church, we read from a sermon given last year by a leader of my religion, Elder David Bednar, on prayer. Reflecting on the words he spoke as well as the life changing experience of the author from my friend's book, I realized how mechanical my prayers have become lately. Elder Bednar encouraged praying for others and expressing utmost gratitude are vital to meaningful prayer. The author of my book reminded me of the importance of sincerity in prayer. (She found herself alone, contimplating ending her life when she made a last ditch effort to pray. She did so and prayed harder and more sincerely than ever before in her life.) I'm convinced that part of the reason her prayer was answered was because of her complete and simple sincerity. Perhaps I needed to recommit myself to these things.

And so, I renewed my efforts, contimplated many of the worries that have been weighing me down for a while and acted, or shall I say, prayed. Amazingly, I felt a fresh understanding and the weight of worry lifted a little and was replaced with a measure of peace I've been longing for. It is at that point I was able to make a mental list of my most pressing worries and found immediate relief. Even if those worries wouldn't be resolved right away. I made a mental list which helped me identify my feelings of great tumult...

My husband's career. After 8 years of school, he's been faced with heartbreaking disappointments and the exhaustion of working 80+ hours a week.
The Resolution:
He-Man is making great progress in his practice. He's healing his patience, new people are finding him, his practice is growing and he's a good doctor. He has two jobs. He's employed and meeting our financial, spiritual, physical and emotional needs. It is inappropriate for me to fail to see the great blessing in this. I realized that my worry over this is that it's not happening as quickly as I was hoping. Since when are things required to occur with in my ideal time frame?

Location Limbo. Have you ever had that feeling of not quite knowing whether you are in the right place or not? If you have, then you probably get this. Maybe it's because we're renting a home we know is not going to be available for much longer or because He-Man and I have great ambition to live in Europe or simply because we tend to be nomadic and neither one of us has ever stayed in one place for very long.
The Resolution:
We really do love it here. We are surrounded by family and an extraordinary neighborhood of friends we cherish. We will eventually need to relocate but won't lose the friendships and now is the time to appreciate every moment we have here whether or not we end up planting roots in the area. For me to worry about what happens next wastes so much energy I could be expending (and enjoying) on the here and now.

What I perceive to be the dying friendship with someone I care deeply for.
The Resolution:
I understand relationships evolve, as they should. Sometimes, as personalities refine, even those people we love the most find their needs best met elsewhere. And it's okay. I know we will always love each other and perhaps that needs to be enough.

My children. I'm told regularly by a person I love that "[one of my children] wanted to be an only child and that her ideal would be not to have siblings". When I was first told this, I was scared that it may be true. Now it just makes me angry because I know it's not.
The Resolution:
I refuse to accept that as a remote possibility because I firmly believe that my two oldest, as much as they argue lately, are destined to be best friends. I've been consumed with worry that I won't know how to help them get to that point. Yesterday I was reminded that I won't be able to do it alone. I'm not expected to either. I need to ask for divine intervention and inspiration to know how to refine both of these beautiful girls.

And so, it is a new day and new week. I've got a new resolve to do better and my fresh start has been good. I know that as the week goes on, that is when my habits would make it easier to be complacent. BUT, I'm going to try. Although nothing physical has changed yet, my mental state has and that's all the change in the world I need right now.

And the results are...

Thank you so much for your love and support. I love you all. I truly do. I hope my entry last night didn't cause any major concerns. We are truly blessed. It's been a difficult few months, but in many ways, it has made us stronger, better and more committed to each other and God. So really, there are great blessings in adversity.

Now for the update...

When I left my Obgyn's office last night, the main concern on our minds was the possibility of Placenta Previa due to a few corresponding symptoms. Today's ultrasound would serve to rule it out. My symptoms were not extreme but enough to proceed with caution.

The ultrasound did just that. Our baby is healthy and active and Placenta Previa is no longer a concern. As far as the gender goes, the images are inconclusive at this time. Since it was too early to get a proper view of the heart and lips, we will be going back in 4 weeks. We are so grateful for this turn of events. Perhaps another 4 weeks will get us even more prepared for this little bundle of joy.

Thank you again for your love and support. It means so much to us.

'THE' Ultrasound....

I'm getting the '20' week ultrasound tomorrow morning. It's a little early, but apparently, a bit necessary. I'm not terribly worried; just convinced that this pregnancy is VERY much unlike my others. Here's the update...

From the beginning of this pregnancy, it's felt different. Perhaps it was because I was so shocked when I discovered the pregnancy. Maybe it's because I don't remember being so unbelievably exhausted with the others (I also wasn't raising 3 kids at the time). It could also be the emotional/stressed-out/guilt-ridden conscience I've had due to my fears and doubts about being able to handle everything that is happening in our family's life right now with the addition of a pregnancy. It may be the bleeding. I don't know.

My midwife has been phenomenal. I truly love and adore her. She "delivered" our third...but let He-Man really deliver, confident enough in the OBGYN training he took in grad-school AND doped me up with an epidural the minute I asked. During my first appointment, my unsuccessful attempt to mask the wreck that I was, was met with so much compassion and kindness. She knew exactly how to help me feel better, erased the fear and helped me to stop feeeling like such a jerk for being so apprehensive in the first place.

And based on a few minor questionable symptoms, we are going in for the sonogram tomorrow. I, as well as my midwife are not tremendously concerned, just feel the need to be cautious and are fairly certain we'll be able to determine the gender....yippeeee! I'll keep you posted...

For Dani, Dedra and all the other Mamma Mia fans out there...

I have several friends who are fans of the movie and musical, "Mama Mia". I've never seen the movie, but I believe this song is from the production and with permission from my friend, I have posted this video. This is for you, my friends...

Broadening My Horizons With Near Public Nudity...

When I was 15, I competed in the Miss Teen of Utah Pageant. Even then, it was totally up my ally. The dresses (which thankfully have become less fluffy and more classy with time), the makeup, hairspray, tairas, petroleum jelly on various body parts, etc. were all part of the over-the-top magic that makes me happy.

Since then, I've attended such pageants to support friends who've possessed a similar love of such competitions. So naturally, when my fabulously and awesome friend, Heather, invited me to the Mr. Utah Competition, to show support for one of her students, I thought, "YES! Why not?! It's been a while since I attended one. This was totally going to be a blast!"

I took this as an opportunity to get gussied up for a night on the town with one of my favorite friends of all time and off I went...

You'd think it would occur to me that "The Mr. Utah Competition" was a little different than the beauty pageants I was accustomed to when we were walking through the parking lot and saw a man who, if described as "sunkissed", it would have totally been an understatement. The man practically radiated the sun's (or tanning bed's) UV rays.

It wasn't until we walked past a large window, displaying about a half-dozen extremely beefed-up men in colorful speedos that I realized, "Hmm, this isn't necessarily a 'pageant'." As it turned out, it was, in fact, "The Mr. Utah Competition" which is, a body builder's contest. Duh.

The following are observations I came away with:

1. In general, the men and women competing in this competition were more naked in public than I've ever been in my life...except for the beach I thought was a 'nude' beach incident...just kidding.

2. It's a very good thing that it is customary when these individuals walk on stage to cheer, hoot and holler. Otherwise, booing and jeering at naked men seems a little cruel and a bit of a downer.

3. Perhaps, this is a great place to pick up individuals of the opposite gender. Although, a person would need to be careful about the pick-up line, "Hey, do you work out?" Unless of course, that person wouldn't mind being labeled 'moron'.


4. Seeing the shiny, metallic speedos worn by the men and women alike, I renewed my resolve to one day find that perfect swimsuit complete with rhinestones and sequins...with a matching hair piece for when I finish swimming.

5. Upon leaving the competition, I couldn't help but be completely amazed by the versatile anatomy of the human body. Seeing the cause and affect of lifting massive amounts of weight over a long period of time on different muscle groups is incredible. It made me wonder if, similarly, hitting yourself over the side of your head repeatedly, over long periods of time with a cast iron skillet would change the shape of your skull. My conclusion? Most likely. And be accompanied by significant memory loss...and a mild headahce.

6. Consider youself over-dressed and out of place if you wear a dress with stockings and heels and are cherubically white. You'd blend in more by applying a "tan in a bottle" in the shade of 'flourescent orange'.

I hope these observations do not make me appear disrespectful of the accomplishments of these individuals. I was particularly impressed by Heather's student, who is a senior in highshool and has found something he is dedicated to and passionate about. So I really have no intention of lessening or making trite these feats of physical strength. It's really quite impressive...besides, I really don't want to make any of them mad.

I DO NOT heart vampires!

There are a couple of things I have an unreasonable, completely ridiculous fear of. One of those things happens to be vampires. That is probably part of why the "Twilight" series holds very little appeal for me.

Before I get hate mail, I want to explain myself:

When I was 5 or 6 and living in Logan, Utah my dad and I were enjoying a normal Saturday at home. My brothers were playing elsewhere, mom was shopping and dad and I were watching t.v. While surfing the wave of television channels...okay, let's face it. It was 1984 and channel surfing lasted a grand total of 1 or 2 minutes. We happened upon a movie that will be referred to as "Scary Dracula Flick About the Undead Stalking A Couple of College Kids in a Beat Up Pinto." From the beginning credits, I was terrified but wanted to be a big girl who could watch daddy's 'Big Person' movie. Dad, wanting to have good quality time together, gave me a package of peanut M & M's to pacify my fears and make the movie more enjoyable.

I lasted 15 minutes right as Dracula was about to crunch his third or fourth victim. Dad turned off the movie and we ended up making dinner together. That night I dreamed that I too, would one day be a college kid who drove a Pinto and was stalked and munched on by Dracula. (I don't know what's scarier... the Pinto or Dracula) From then on, I've hated vampires.

Which brings me to "Twilight".

Nearly 25 years later, the series came out. Since then, friends and family alike have raved about it and encouraged me to (pardon the irresistible pun) sink my teeth into it, while secretly, I've shuttered at the thought.

My mother, who works with a subsidiary of "Twilight", has always hated vampires too and very strongly refused to read the books....until she read them. Now, not a day goes by without one or both of my parents wearing some sort of "Twilight" paraphernalia.

She called me last week and offered me a free download from her purchase of the new DVD and requested that I watch it...with He-Man, otherwise known as Mr. Movie Critic himself. It takes a lot to impress He-Man with cinematic art and I knew going into it he would rather have a root canal but I promised I wouldn't stop him from mocking. Therefore, he agreed to experience it with me.

So, after the coaxing, a FREE movie and the promise of watching it on He-Man's laptop, in our jammies snuggling in bed, we took the plunge and finally watched the movie "Twilight".

It was hard to consider it a 'romance' because throughout the movie, I half expected Edward to spontaneously unhinge his jaw and bite Bella's head off, which would obviously be a mood killer. And when she goes home to meet the 'parents', I couldn't help thinking, "This isn't going to end well for vegetarians".

But we made it through. However, since I tend to over-analyze movies, there are a couple of elements that I couldn't quite wrap my brain around...

1. What self-respecting woman would be okay with rubbing elbows (lips, hands, etc) with someone who looked at her like she was a walking T-bone steak? Furthermore, why would you want to plunge head-first into a relationship with a person who, every time you came near them, made you completely and utterly and ravenously starving?

2. Plus, what teenage, hormonally enraged boy is content with gazing into the eyes of a girl for hours upon hours? Especially when she makes him hungry for a juicy slab of steak?! AND he's like a 500 year old MAN trapped in the body of a 17 year old?! BUT, maybe that's what makes Edward so unique, so special, so cotton-pickin' adorable. Wait! Did I just use those words to describe a vampire?!

3. Also, why on earth would anybody NOT want to sparkle every time they walked into sunlight...without having to be covered in rhinestones? I mean seriously, who wouldn't want that? I just get sunburned.


In all reality, I think Stephanie Meyer is very clever. She has the tenacity to do exactly what I dream of doing and she has retold a centuries old story while giving it a new spin. To have accomplished that and captured the hearts of thousands of readers is a tremendous thing.

If only I could get past the whole scary and undead hungry blood sucker thing, I may actually someday be able to read the series. OR, maybe I'll face my fear and find that awful B movie about the vampire and the Pinto and watch it, just for kicks, and realize how frightening it's not.

Until then, I'll try really hard not to throw-up on Halloween.

Monday Morning Tea Party with Jules...

On Monday, one of my oldest friends and her family (seriously, we've known each other since we were 12) came to share our lunch. Since she has two girls who are relatively the same age as our girls, we determined it was time to have a tea party...

Julie and her husband were in town for a series of interviews. He is finishing his residency and preparing for the post-med school world...Yahoo! He bore the tea party well while their adorable son made funny faces for the camera. In the meantime, he and He-Man had great time discussing their grad-school experiences.

Julie and I have known each other for going on 20 years. After they left, I've found myself pondering the blessings of having friends who stick with you that long....even through the teenage years, when very few of us can claim those times to be our crowning achievements. It was amazing to see Julie and her beautiful family so happy.

Of course, the kids didn't find sitting and chatting for hours to be that exciting, so they hit the playdough and found themselves quite contented.